|
Home Page Jokes
Jokes, Humor, Fun - Welcome to LetsJoke.com
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. [more One Liners]
What is a Joke
- Something said for the sake of exciting a laugh; something witty or sportive (commonly indicating more of hilarity or humor than jest); a jest; a witticism; as, to crack good-natured jokes.
- A mischievous trick; a prank.
- An amusing or ludicrous incident or situation.
- Something not said seriously, or not actually meant; something done in sport.
- To make merry with; to make jokes upon; to rally; to banter; as, to joke a comrade.
- To do something for sport, or as a joke; to be merry in words or actions; to jest.
Synonyms: joke, jest, witticism, quip, sally, crack, wisecrack, gag
What are the health benefits of humor and laughter?
"The art of medicine consists of keeping the patient amused while nature heals the disease" Voltaire
The sound of roaring laughter is far more contagious than any cough, sniffle, or sneeze. It can be a domino effect of joy and amusement. Humor and laughter has many benefits:
- improves brain functioning
- fosters instant relaxation
"Doctor I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!" - Henny Youngman [ read more ... ]
Chat With Me
Software Developers
It's strange, after being a user of computer software for a while, you begin to pick up on some disturbing similarities to a not so squeaky clean industry out there. Is this telling us something?
Drug Dealers
Refer to their clients as "users".
"The first one's free!"
Strange Jargon : "Stick", "Rock",
"Dime Bag", "E"
Realized that there's tons of cash
in the 14 to 25 year old market.
Job is assisted by the industries
producing newer, more potent mixes.
Often seen in the company of pimps
and hustlers.
Their product causes unhealthy
additions.
Do your job well, and you can sleep
with sexy movie stars who depend
on you.
Software Developers
Refer to their clients as "users".
"Download a free trail version..."
Strange Jargon : "SCSI", "RTFM",
"Java", "ISDN", "Pentium"
Realize that there's tons of cash
in the 14 to 25 year old market.
Job is assisted by industry's producing
newer, faster machines.
Often seen in the company of marketing
people and venture capitalists.
Doom, Quake, SimCity, Duke Nukem,
'nuff said!
Damn! Damn! DAMN!!!
Fuzzy Language
The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the fuzzy language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.
"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"...
I didn't look up the original reference.
"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"...
These data are practically meaningless.
"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS
TO THE QUESTIONS"...
An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.
"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"...
The other results didn't make any sense.
"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"...
This is the prettiest graph.
"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"...
I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
Computers In Movies
25 Interesting Things That You Learn About Computers in The Movies...
1. Word processors never display a cursor.
2. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.
3. All monitors display 2 inch high letters.
4. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.
5. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
6. Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.
7. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors.
8. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.
9. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.
10. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward. See #7, above)
11. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.
12. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.
Computer Viruses
Beware of new virus outbreaks on computers everywhere, such as...
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by c:>
Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole dang thing quits.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.
Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Federal Bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Links
URL.biz - Arts
|
SeekOn/Jokes
The Lunar
Antics
Funny
cartoons where the inhabitants of the moon hang out here on Earth. But
don't let
them steal the show because it's really about us
Earthlings.
|  Print this page |
| |
